Rebel

“I ended up staying at home all day. I have to prepare for a children’s rights workshop tomorrow, but mainly I guess I had this kind of depression or sadness after yesterday’s protest. It happens a lot, I guess it happens almost every time over the past year. It’s that every time you come home and you feel this kind of like fruitlessness or helplessness, and then there’s the frustration and anger, why can’t I do more… When is this going to end? And last night, my friends being arrested, I was just watching outside a line and there was nothing I could do. I could only call for help and arrange for a social worker and lawyer and people who have the resources to go and help. And I just felt so angry with myself, I couldn’t do more, I always have this guilt, I just didn’t do enough. I hate myself for not having the courage to do more or not having friends to do more, I’m angry at myself. I’m angry with my friends who didn’t go out. I’m angry with people who were celebrating the Full Moon Festival rather than going out to confront the government. I am angry with the government. I am pissed off with the police. And it’s just really kind of complicated and difficult. And I just have no idea, how do you – sometimes you just feel like you can’t carry on like this, you know, it is such a weird feeling, you know what’s going on while you actually don’t know what it would be like to to live like people in China, in Xinjiang, but then you see it coming and you just feel that you don’t have… All you can do is wait and for… world leaders to realise. That fighting the CCP is not just for Hongkongers, but for the entire world. Like, when will they realise? When will they listen to us? You know, that the CCP is the evil and is going not to just undermine not just our democracy and freedom in Hong Kong. It’s gonna destroy world democracy. And I just hope that the world stops being willing to be paid off by CCP and and begins to do the right thing now.”

“Sometimes, it’s difficult to tell what is hope. But I guess today reading about the United States issuing a statement about the arrest of protesters on October 1st in Hong Kong made me feel that there is still hope, that internationally, we have allies who are on our side. And they are becoming more and more vocal about their support for us. So I’m crossing my fingers and hopefully, we are going to take down the CCP soon.”

“I still don’t think I would ever want to leave Hong Kong, no matter what. But I also know that making this promise to myself right now is kind of impractical. It is so funny, like I said before I used to think I don’t belong in Hong Kong, but I was meant to be living in somewhere else. You know I met friends from all over the world and a lot of people say I belong in Europe and my Latino friends were saying I ought to come down to Latin America. And I feel that yes, I definitely feel more like a Latina than a Hongkonger or, you know, more like a European than a Hongkonger. But then, like, during the Umbrella Movement, I just realised that no, that’s wrong. I’ve been home my entire life and it’s Hong Kong. And right now it is being invaded, it is being bombed, it’s being attacked and it’s being robbed. As a Hongkonger I need to protect my home. I need to protect my homeland.  And it should be the thieves who are leaving, not me. I guess it’s just the principle, it’s a silly thing, but it is important. So I really hope that I don’t ever have to leave Hong Kong, not by choice. Not like because CCP has taken over and I was forced to leave. You know what I mean? I hate that, I’d rather die fighting than to run away. But I also know that at a certain point who knows, I mean life happens and if I feel that leaving would give me a better chance of saving Hong Kong, save guarding my my integrity and Hong Kong’s integrity, then maybe I would have to leave. Oh gosh, I hate this question. I refuse to leave. I refuse to answer this question actually.”

“When HK is free, we are going to celebrate. We are going to celebrate under the LegCo as we all said before take off our masks, everything, and meet each other, and hug each other. And then we’ll help build the society that we dream of together. For me, I dream of a society where everyone is equal, because that’s my thing. Fighting for human rights, for people with disabilities, and I guess like I still have to do more. But this time, it would be on the construction side like pre-empting every decisions and helping to liaise with people with disabilities to talk about their needs and to just help to breach the gap and just have a world where that everybody can be equal and have choices and enjoy the rights and freedom that they are born with.”